MONTREAL HHH • The Hash Trash
RUN # 178 Report
Lizard's (Our Only Mom) Day Hash
Date: May 14, 2000 • Location: NDG • Hares: Bl
The Hashers: Dead Animal, Foxy Lady, Mustapha Kunt,
Numbskull Eat Me, LickMyLizard, Muddy Nipples. Triar F*ck, Yogi, Abbot, Skinflint, Witchy,
Penguin, Andrew, Turkish Delight (stand in TrashScribe), Francois (new), Yao Hua (new),
The Fourth(!) Kim (new), and Delhi Belly (visitor).
(You were there and I haven't mentioned you? Blame Whino who is supposed to be
writing this.)
Conspicuously absent: Captain Canada due to a sprained muscle (!) and the
aforementioned Whino
The Trail
The run began roughly on time, that is at about 1:15. In an effort to make an impression on his new friends, NukeComer Francois started off by showing us his push-up bra. (Very nice, but sorry, Francois, we're just not that kind of Hash.) Then the runners took off following a chalk arrow trail marked in cute pastel colors while — in a feeble effort to confuse us — the walkers were led off in the opposite direction. Bl*w Job outdid himself by actually laying a check that had two(!) false trails leading off it. Also striking in its originality was the checkpoint-in-a-tunnel feature, once with the true trail straight on and again later with it directly overhead. Sometime after this the trail crossed itself figure-of-eight-wise, much to the amazement of Skinflint (see below). A dramatic climb near the end of the run took us back onto St. Jacques and Girouard. Many Hashers commented on the scenic splendor of the lovely Montreal neighborhoods Bl*w Job and Poo Bare shared with us this day.
Trail Ratings
Triar F-Up:
8/10 "a good distance" (A+ for originality, TFUp).
LMLizard: 8/10 — would have
been 7/10 — bonus point awarded for "the lovely Two Lips" (?)
Eat Me: "Good, but a bit too
long" (this is a complaint?) 6/10.
Yogi: "No comment" (still
pouting about not getting a personalized Easter egg from Turkish Delight two weeks ago).
Abbot: 8/10 "Good run, but I'll
have to wear my jockstrap next time" (I don't get it but no doubt A will be happy to
explain his condition).
Skinflint: "It was good but the
figure of eight confused me" (When exactly are you not confused, SK?).
Down Downs
To
Yogi in honor of his new dog (who has a friend called Yogi!), and to show NewCummers
how to ‘do it’.
To NewCummers Francois, Yao Hua
and The Fourth Kim for being new.
To ReterKnees Muddy Nipples, Andrew, Delhi
Belly and Yogi for coming back.
To Lizard for donating 3 cases of beer
(You got this for free, LML??)
To the Hairs — Poo Bare and Bl*w
Job — for helping us get to know Montreal's fascinating underbelly.
To TriarF*ckUp for Misinforming the
Monitor. (continued on p. 2)
To Poo-Bare for completing 50 runs and Dead
Animal for neglecting, once again, to produce a beer mug for the honored Hasher.
To Francois, le Fit Bastard, pour avoir
fait des push-ups — trop serieusement.
To TriarF*ckUp and Lizard for
wearing new shoes (attended by much spillage abetted by Bl*w Job).
RA offenses
Dead Animal and Deli Bellie wore hats in the O (despite the vast GM experience of both)Foxy’s
Hash Whim: Down downs to Andrew and Yogi for being promoted. Well done, you
assholes.
New MHHH Record: The Slowest Down
Down Ever by Delhi Belly, Grand Master of the Hugh Jorgen Memorial Hash of
Vancouver: 1 minute 33 seconds.
Other Stuff
There was a truly pathetic attempt to sing "Monday's a Banging Day" en français led by the Grand Masterbator. Overheard: TriarFU promised that "un cornichon" would be BBQed at the upcoming Swine Event (roasted pickles — yum, yum). Montreal Hashers are invited to visit the Hugh Jorgen Memorial Hash (Say it 3X out loud) if ever in Vancouver. Francois made an announcement about good property deals to be had on Goolie Street. It seems that Lizard was the only real Mom on this Mother's Day Hash but with Witchy and Penguin's little penguin on the way, we'll soon have another. Eat Me lost the entire Hash Cash in a bet that her train to Cote Vertu would arrive at Vendome metro before Muddy’s to Henri Bourassa. And a clearly confused Red Dog was spotted running along Av Mont Royal — last week’s venue. That's about it. Question of the Week: How do you say "wank" in French? Quebec Hashers need to know.Urgent Message to Bush Pig: Where are you? Stop sniffing Mustapha's sweatshirt - he misses it and wants it back.