Hash # 203
                               Apple Picking Hash
                    (Did anyone actually PICK any apples?)

By Double Fisted, Hash Scribe

Hares:
Total F**kup, Penisillin

Hashers:
WOB (Wife-of-Bwian), Witchy, Turkish Delight, Total F**kup, Skinflint, Raymond,
Poo Bare, Penisillin, Penguin, Panty Ho, Painted Knobs, Oral Supplement, Old
Cheddar, Mustapha Kunt, Muddy Nipples, Max Fox, Louise, LOB, Gump, Grande
Poutine, Foxy Lady, Finger Lickin' Good, Fat Ass, Eat Me, Double Fisted, Dead
Animal, Captain Canada, Bushman's Thong, Blow Job, Abbot, assorted children and
even more of those Ottawa hashers

Weather:
It was a lovely day in Montreal. Sunny and warm. But then we didn't hash in
Montreal, as soon as we crossed the Ontario border and it turned nasty, cool and
cloudy.

Trail:
Started from the bar through a field where there was NO TRAIL! We searched in
every direction, people yelling "RU?" like it was going out of style.

The hare lead us into the right direction, I think, onto a railroad track. We
ran, ran and ran - right pass a blown away checkpoint. Fat Ass and Cappy found
some money along the trail. I think a Toonie and a nickel respectively.

We had to double back to the check where it lead off into the woods. The flour
was apparent at this stage but then disappeared. TD managed to put her newly
washed sneakers in some mud. The shiggy tore apart skin, clothing and almost
blinded Captain. We finally exited the shiggy and ran along a fence where at the
end there was a "ramp" to help people over the fence. Some hashers were kind
enough to stop and help some of the delicates over.

We went down a country road, really annoying a dog to the point of him starting
to chase us before his owner called him back. Maybe he just wanted to join in, I
guess we'll never know.

I blacked out totally at this point. I next thing I remember is waking up at the
bar with Oral, Captain, Muddy Nipples and BJ staring at me. Luckily they knew
the secret of waking the dead, just put a glass of beer to her lips...

Anyway the run was refreshing. ( if you like scarring and mud ) So was the beer.

Note: Apparently there was a beer stop underneath a bridge (?) and LOB set the
last half of the trail cause there was NFF ( No Freaking Flour ).


Down Downs:
Each GM took a turn in the circle. The Montreal HHH, being superior to Ottawa's,
went first naturally.

(Enter DEAD ANIMAL, stage left.)

(Note to self: Do not place down down list in wash. It will become ruined and
unreadable. DF)

The Hares: Rubbish trail.
Double Fisted: For tiring out our GM so Numbskull never makes it out anymore.
(In my defense, he's REALLY studying!!!)
Daytripping: Raymond, he's always DTing. Maybe Louise makes HIM so tired, he
can't walk correctly.
LOB: For setting the last part of the run.
The Numbskull: Oral Supplement - for going over the Pond to England and
arranging to have them worship him - the plastic toy, not the guy.
Captain and some other loser: For being the gentlemen they are by helping some
damsels in distress over the forementioned fence.

Then Gump entered the circle for his round of DD's.
Double Fisted: For saying something to the effect of "The Ottawa hash sucks."
Finger Lickin' Good: nmdbhjdndd sdjhhjdd hgyssdysdmd (You can't read? Well I
can't remember... so it makes us even.)
Later, Fat Ass did this " thing" with his elbows and pointed to me. I can't
remember what this down down was for but should I really complain?
Etc, etc etc... do we really care what Gump said anyway?


After Trail Events:
Usually the Down Downs are the most active and interesting part of the night.
The act of forcing someone to drink glasses of beer really quick reminds me of
the year I went to Halifax for New Year's Eve... but that's a whole different
story...

Oral Supplement ( let's say it together, "You wanker!!!"), the newly designated
keeper of the Numbskull was warned repeatedly NOT to put it down unguarded, PUT
DOWN the precious trophy and Gump picked it up ( with her purse, BAD Gump! ) and
hid it in his car. He later admitted to watching Oral carefully so he could
steal our Numbskull.

After this offense was discovered, a search party was sent out, we searched high
and low. I found a red car occupied by an Ottawa hasher whose name I do not
know, and she let me into the trunk where I found a silver mug. I grabbed it and
started examining it when Gump comes careening out the the bar. He was yelling
something about getting away from his car... blah blah blah...

I ran to my car and threw in the silver Urinal and started my victory dance. Sad
but true.

You know this is getting really long... here's the short version:

They argued about stealing, tried to negotiate but alas to no avail. Captain
developed a pressure tactic since they had his gf's purse, to block the
entrances into the car park. So I went outside to move the car to the rear
entrance and he moved his to the front entrance.

So in we were going to drown our sorrows, but then Mustapha Kunt comes running
out of the bar yelling, " I've got the Tits!"  Apparently, Fat Ass had the Tits
tried onto him and MK saved them. We both run to car and put the ripped and
broken Tits into Hash Hell ( my trunk, have you seen it lately? ) So I tried
again to talk to the Girl Studying in Gump's Car. For some godforsaken reason
the door was unlocked! I opened it and she tried to claw my eyes out; I yelled
for Mustapha to come over and help, so he formed a hash wall and I popped open
the trunk ( did I mention I leaned over from the passenger seat? )

I rummaged through and found the Numbskull! Tom and I ran for the car cause I
knew all hell would break loose. We put it into the trunk and then did another
VD. ( Look above ) A crowd assembled by this time around my car and they tried
to negotiate a peace treaty. I went into the bar to celebrate by inhaling some
chicken wings but then saw out a window that my Taurus was surrounded by vile
OH3 cars. This was looking quite bad. But then BJ had an idea.

BJ asked me if I liked my car, not much I answered. How old is it? 5 years. How
much is it worth? Not much.

Somehow ( remember what I said about the breakfast... ) I eventually made it
into the car and started licking their Urinal like it were a ( insert favorite
licking object here, ie. ice cream, lollipop, popsicles... ) to the delight of
our hashers. I guess after hearing my conversation with BJ, FLG decided to move
her car and with the help of our great hashers, I got my car out and escaped
onto the road.

Of course that left the people getting a ride back with me in a lurch since they
had to run after my car. I had a good laugh though. heheheheheheh...

Crap, that was supposed to be the short version eh?

On on!
Double Fisted