Hash Trash - R*n #220 (Rigaud)
11-Feb-2001

by Double Fisted, stand-in scribe

Holy Jumping-Frigging-Is-it-Cold-Enough Hash

Hares: Bushman's Thong (virgin lay), Numbskull

Hashers:
Nutcracker, Krystal Tits, Eager Beaver, Bushpilot, Turkish Delight, Mustapha Kunt, Yogi, Old Cheddar, Bendover Ken, Abbot, Skinflint, Double Fisted, Easy Ride, Oral Supplement, Captain Canada

Weather: F*cking cold, really, really bloody cold. High, arctic winds but nice blue skies with fluffy clouds.

Trail:
Seems that all these hashs begin with a lovely intentions as demonstrated by yours truly who spend 15 extra minutes looking for various clothing to keep herself warm for today's hash. Of course, signs that the run was not to be run began immediately as when we arrived (on time!!) there were only two hashers, Nutcracker and Old Cheddar, who were diligent enought to get there before my hash-loaded car. A good sign considering Bushman's Thong was predicting 4 people for the hash, himself, Brigette, Numbskull, and me.

As hash cash yelled for money, (BTW, I am NOT an eskimo) we waited, and waited and waited to the hares to return to the overly expensive bar ($15 a pitcher my ass!) and then remembered that the GM was a hare. Now, Numbskull is famous for laying LONG and treacherous trails and poor Bushman's Thong, being a virgin, is bound to be turned off the experience forever.

At 1:30, the brave hares returned and it was decided to move to a more money friendly bar, Cafe St-Pierre II. We informed the barmaid of our decision and her jaw dropped to the floor.

Outside, the hares explained the 'rules' for the virgin, Ze'ev, and off we went!

We ran thorough this lovely picturesque town, Rigaud, which reminded this humble scribe of St. Andrews by the Sea in New Brunswick. We ran to the first checkback where everyone grumbled and were NOT impressed by the hares who should have known better.

By this time, we understood that only crazies run in this weather and Nutcracker was drowning on her cold-induced tears. Nutcracker and I were checking and got lost, then separated from the pack. Just imagine, we walked and walked, there was no false trail indication. Where are the hares? Aren't they supposed to be looking out for us?? We looked for the 3 blobs but nope. So in frustration, we ran back to the bar and collected our cars to move on to the St-Pierre.

On the way to the cafe, we met Bushpilot, Oral Supplement, and Captain Canada, the 2 former getting in my car for the 1 block ride to the bar. We discussed the bitter cold and the stinging winds cause it was bitterly cold and the winds were stinging.

Yogi and Bendover Ken were at the bar, warming some seats for us and performing quality assurance testing on the beer. We discussed world issues and debated who should pay for disabling nuclear armaments when we were disturbed by the rest of the hashing gang. Apparently, they ran through the GM's former high school (where he spent 5 years of glee, being the brightest anglo at the 99.9% separtist school) and ran up the Rigaud mountain. Let me say I was happy to have NOT experienced this.

Down Downs:
Complaints about the trail: Too warm, not enough wind, not enough ice, not enough dangerous paths, not slippery enough were heard
Easy Ride gave a great Demonstration for... Ze'ev, the virgin
Numbskull, Bushman's Thong (virgin lay) for haring
Turkish Delight for not knowing Nutcracker had a hash name
Bendover Ken, Double Fisted, Yogi, Captain Canada, Oral Supplement, Bush Pilot and Nucracker for massive shortcuttage. DF and Nutcracker ran for 10 minutes and returned to the bar whereas the rest walked for 10 mintues, AND hitched a ride to the bar
Old Cheddar for not telling us of his "other hobby, " S&M. He is so involved in this hobby that he was featured on the cover of "Hour" magazine in his favorite position
Bendover Ken and Turkish Delight for getting a new job
Captain Canada, Bush Pilot, Oral Supplement, Bushman's Thong for almost being run over by three all-terrain vehicles on the train bridge
Skinflint for complaining about her 4 hours of commuting each day to work and back and not being able to do "other things"
Abbot for not insisting on making time for "other things"
Kristal Tits, Yogi, Captain Canada for constantly whining and complaining about not getting enough down-downs
And last, but not least, the Barman for being the barman

Hash Naming:
Zev being named Eager Beaver for being so eager to hash that he would come out on the day such as today

RA offences:

NS for not placing ON ON BEER marking (and rec'd the hashit)

NS for BT's screwed up marking (he put a check back in place of a false trail, being a virgin hare)

Right tit awarded to NS for pushing DF to award it. (I can't be pressured into it, I can't!)

Eager Beaver, Brigitte for non-participation

Songage:
We sang a lovely rendition of Swing Low to the amusement of all the croonies in the bar. (This display of humiliation will be later used as a argument for sovereignty.)

Après hash:

The lot of us sat around and consumed more beer. then, we ate and ate, first at the cafe with pizza and then later a small group of us ate at the soup place. *sigh* I will never tire of the soup place. Bushpilot attempted to lead us to a chinese restaurant but there is nothing nicer than a big bowl of noodles and beef drowning in a beef broth, with onions, basil and bean sprouts (what white people refer to as chop suey).

KT and I talked about bra preference to Yogi's amusement. He could hardly keep his giggles to himself. We debated the about skin-toned bras(not skin-colored bras since noone ever has the same color skin as those bras). One of us likes them and marvels at their usefulness whereas the other prefers colorful ones. We both agreed that matching bras and panties are key. Bushpilot then mentioned a friend who was so pissed at his female employer, poked his finger at her chest til her front-clasped bra came undone. KT and I thoguht this impossible since it is most rude to poke a women "there" (unless she really wants you to) but Bushpilot stood his ground and claimed the story true.


To summarize: Really cold, good run, expensive pizza, good soup, matching bras and panties are key, good time held by all.

Sumitted by,
Double Fisted
Stand-in Scribe