Montreal Hash House Harriers

Hash Trash, R*n #224 (Pierrefonds)
11-Mar-2001

by Double Fisted, Stand-In Hash Scribe

"Goddamn-it-We-will-hash-in rain-in sleet-in snow-in hell-but-where-are-the-markings" Hash

Hares:
Flipper, Witchy, Neutron Bomb

Hashers:
Blow J, Poo Bare, Turkish Delight, Dead Animal, Foxy Lady, Lavatory, Jingle Balls, Captain Canada, Oral Supplement, Total F**Kup, Pop-a-weenie, Little Weenie, Teletubby, Numbskull, Kristal Tits, Eager Beaver, Old Cheddar, Abbot, Lick my lizard, Penguin, Easy Ride, Humper, Bush Pig, LOB, Panty Ho, Yogi, Double Fisted

Weather:
It snowed all morning, then it rained and it snowed and snowed... well you get the picture. It was (relatively) warm and cloudy.

Pre-Trail:
Well, frankly there was no pre-trail for me or Turkish Delight, Kristal Tits and Eager Beaver. Eager Beaver called Yogi to inform him of our "logistical problem" and our pending arrival and we fought the snow, wet roads and stupid-men-driving-like-manics-with-children-in-their-expensive-rear-wheel-drive-Audis-who-go-around-rear-ending-innocent-women-who-can't-really-afford-to-fix-their-cars-and-not-in-hell-make-another-claim-on-their-insurance-in-fear-of-getting-their-insurance-cancelled....but well that's a whole different story. I digress.

So we arrived at the hash with a barely seen HHH. This indicated a poorly marked trail, partly because of the steady snow throughout the morn and the light bright green markings. But to TD's and KT's insistance, we went and searched for a trail. At first we searched for marking at which KT tried to determine if the colored blobs she saw were actual markings or dog pee. With no luck, we tried to follow the footprints in the snow which also lead us nowhere was since there were footprints everywhere! After going in circles we ran down Hyman at which a
car hit a puddle at best angle to inflict maximum wetness, (I took this as a sign that the hash was not to be... for gosh sakes, I wouldn't go shopping in this weather let alone RUN???) and ran into the walkers who pointed us in the general direction the pack would come from. Thinking we could run into them and hence, run back together, we went off in search of the blessed group. And yes, I, DF, again, shortcutted after I ran into Poo Bare and Old Cheddar on their way back to the carpark.

We entered the inner peace that is Neutron's home with its condemned fireplace and wine rack with empty bottles (thats important, read on). Everyone look like wet rats due to the alternating snow and rain but it was a good time had by all. We settled down for what was to be a great evening with chilli ("I think it needs more spice." *shake*shake*shake* of the fake-Tabasco bottle), song ("I willllllll port-aggggggeeee!!!"), nipple showing ("Look at my nipples."- Captain Canada (who else???)), sex demonstration ("AHHHHH..YESYESYESSSS!!!", "Where's the bear rug?") and BEvERages.

I must defend the hares who were nice enough to make beef-laden chilli (BTW, Eager Beaver is a vege, let's respect that cause he's not a tree hugger and doesn't believe killing beef is wrong. He just has higher standards. But on theother hand, I like beef, the more meat the better....) AND set the hash. Some unnamed hashers dove upon the chilli like vultures and they had to keep them back with the chains and whips Neutron keeps in her closet. The chilli was great guys!!!

Down downs:
There were many, many down downs planned but of course....(Theatrical music) we were almost out of beer. Panty Ho and Easy Ride were sent to procure more beer, more beer more beer more beer...

When asked about the run, there were cries of "not enought snow", "not enough puddles", "too many marking", "not enough sun" and it was given a magnificent 69!

Kristal Tits for Hash disrespect.
Flipper, Witchy, Neutron Bomb for being Hares.
Teletubby, Lavatory, Pop-a-Weenie, 'Lil Weenie, Jingle Balls, Panty Ho, LML, Bush Pig for being Returnees.
Teletubby, Yogi for having lost property. Teletubby left a girly-pink head at r*n 219(!!) and Yogi left his shell at Turkish Delights house.
Milestone runs for Foxy 200, and LOB 100.
Poo Bare for not providing LOB with his 100 r*n flask/cup/boxers/whatever.
For car troubles mainly: LOB for having a chipped windscreen, Double Fisted for getting rear-ended by the above mentioned asshole, Old Cheddar for selling Mustapha Kunt defective equipment.
Turkish Delight, Eager Beaver, Kristal tits, Double Fisted, TFU and Lick my Lizard for latecumming.

Dead Animal for not calling on a shortcut

Songage:
We sang a cute song, the name I know not. Abbot then tried introducing a new song to the group. Of course, us being hashers and having small brains, we lead into Swing Low. Poor Abbot. Let's give him a chance- and a down down for trying to introduce a new song to half-to-quite drunk people.

Post-Hash:
Well, we sang like the crazy, drunk people that we are. Jingle Balls pulled out his 12 string and started playing wondeful campfire tunes-accentuated with song sheets with a camp logo at the top. This left me with the question of how many years Jingle's parents pawned him off to camp so they could have a rest. He and Captain, alternated playing the 12-string (insert trashy comment here). We sang Great Big Sea, Kermit the frog and of course, irish songs. It was a great way to relax after the run.

I left at about 5 since I was ready for a nap. Quite a few hashers were still left enjoying the music and what was sure to be a fragrant evening.

Quote of the day: "I'll be glad when she gets back -- all this ironing is killing me" (Abbot)
(Dis)Honorable Mention: "I'm a screamer." (Panty Ho)

Submitted by
Double Fisted
Stand-In Hash Scribe