Montreal Hash House Harriers

Hash Trash, R*n #240 (East End)
17-June-2001

by Double Fisted, Hash Scribe

The "Why didn't anyone notice my new sneakers?" Hash

Hares: Double Fisted, Flipper
Hashers: Muddy Nipples, Plastic Jesus, Dead Animal, Mustapha Kunt, LOB, Darren, Easy Ride, Bl*w Job, Poo Bare, Foxy Lady, Rob, Shut Up Chuck, Numbskull, Julie, OAP, Brillo (did I miss anyone?), PANTY HO

Weather: Hot, not as hot as Saturday when I got a sunburn walkin around St-Laurent's sidewalk sale. Can you imagine? I didn't even shop??? I MUST have been loco. 25 degrees with a nice breeze and pretty fluffy clouds in the sky.

Pre-Trail:
So, I get up at the sound of the phone ringing. It's Flipper waking me and we chat about meeting so off I go. I am riding down the bloody 70 km (remember that its important) highway but unfortunately I am going 111 km, well, that what the SQ officer (wanker!) tells me. So, $227 poorer (thank god I am setting the run and saving myself $7, I may have to set the next 31.42 runs so I can afford hashing), I arrive to Véro's house. 

We chat and Flipper arrives so we set the trail. The day is nice and I am wearing my new sneakers and Cool Max socks. These socks are the best. Very good for extra flavored beer as NS was nice enough to demonstrate later. 

After hours and hours of setting, we arrive and enjoy a nice cold lemonade/ grapefruit juice. Mustapha is the first to arrive on his bike at that! I must say I am not sure I could make it to Véro's house on bike and run and then bike back. Some of you guys are in shape eh?

Other hashers trickle in and we set off.

Trail:
Being the hare I can't really say objectively how the trail was. Let me quote some people from the hash:
"Marvelous. The best trail set ever!" -- Dead Animal
"I couldn't have set a better trail myself!"- NS
"Wonderful! Great! Amazing!" -- Mustapha Kunt
"You are the best!" -- Homo Erection
"There was a trail?" -- Muddy Nipples
"Best scribe ever!" -- Plastic Jesus, oops that's from the Pig roast and yeah the trash is coming...
(Disclaimer: These may or may not be actual quotes from the hash.)

Anyway, we set off in the westernly direction towards the Stadium. The hashers took the bait at the first checkback which was a sight to see. We eventually ran through the Olympic Park during a game (Montreal won!). Daren lead the way up the checkback at the stairs and as usual, the hashers lost the trail.

Through the park, down Sherbrooke, where they met with the walkers, south and then east towards the carpark. Flipper and I put a "REAL MEN" with an arrow pointing to the firestation, where the occupants are all REAL MEN, which apparently, all the hashers except LOB and Plastic Jesus, took as an indication for where the "real men" are supposed to go. My question now is why Foxy or Muddy Nipples went that way. And does that mean Plastic Jesus and LOB don't consider themselves real men??

Post-Trail:
Well, I walked most of the way back with the walkers where, Flipper, Brillo and I had a lovely conversation about men, bloating, and the heat while holding our hands shoulder-level. 

Back at the carpark, the pretty kitty was gone to Véro's dismay. Panty HO and Muddy being the nice people they are, went looking for the missing pussy. Unfortunately, the pussy was not seen by anyone, or perhaps, being the east end and all, they ate it. 

So, I sat and chatted with Darren, not have seen him in a few months, to what I only can say was not a positive conversation. He's seemed in okay spirits and I changed the topic as quickly as possible so I could remove the size 7D foot out of my mouth. Although I was in horror of my faux-pas, Plastic Jesus seemed to enjoy my discomfort a great deal. As, I've said many times before, Ottawa sucks.

MK seemed to have a great deal of fun with a water gun he found, spraying people in the most inappropriate places. But alas, it's the hash isn't it? 


Down downs:
I must thank the GM for sending the down downs in a legible manner. As most fo you know, he has the handwriting of a "mentally challenged 5 year old." (Hash trash from the last NDG run) I would have said 4 but tit-tat.

OAP did a Demonstration for the newcummer (Rob)
Rob for being a Virgin
DF, Flipper for being Hares
Poo Bare, Daren for being Returnees
Easy Ride for being a Retard (Late cummer) 
Shut up Chuck (Houston HHH), Plastic Jesus (Ottawa HHH) for being Out of town wankers
Plastic Jesus, Homo Erection for their birthdays
DF for having new shoes
There was also some lost property which noone claimed. Terribly sad.

Milestones R*ns 
MK having done 175 r*ns
Muddy having done 50 r*ns and getting her mug which has on it May 2001. On my advice, Foxy and NS has filled the mug with beer. Muddy got through some of it and promptly, threw it at the GM, tisk tisk. She got her due though when Foxy and DA poured their beer over her head. Wish I had a camera.
DF having done 42. In the circle, I was tormented with a wild rumour that I had once exposed my upper chest. So cries of "Tell a joke, sing us a song or show us your tits" were heard. Being hashers, the latter was the most requested. But I told a joke my prof had recently told us in class. It bombed horribly so I respectfully submit this joke in its place: 

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance. 
The cop says, "What the hell is going on?" 
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke." 
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke." 
She says, "Yeah? Wait'll I switch this finger to his mouth." 


New Names:
Daren was named Homo Erection [NS put in "(hee hee hee)" when he sent me the down down list. Apparently he's giggling like a girl. ]

RA Offenses:
As you all know, our wonderful RA, Abbot, with his lovely wife, Skinflint, are crossing the pond soon and the RA post will be open. For those interested in becoming RA, here are the 10 rules:

1. Obey the GM.
2. Pay your dues or no drinking without paying.
3. No spillage.
4. No cropping.
5. No fouling the trail.
6. No littering.
7. No calling on shortcuts.
8. No in/out trail confusion.
9. No checks in sight of the carpark.
10. No other means of transportation.
11+ make them up as you go...

So, here are the RA offenses as deemed myself on this hash.

Panty ho for ... okay, I have a problem as I cannot read my own handwriting. I think it says "ahead of everyone else in park." But that makes no sense. 
Julie for drinking w/o paying.
Mustapha Kunt for NOT fouling the trail as he usually does.
Homo Erection for never doing anything wrong.
Shut Up Chuck for Non-calling and for scaring the crap out of the hare when he called for directions.

Songage:
We were lead through a lovely rendition of Swing Low.

The day continued with drinking and merriment. Yogi arrived late cumming up the back stairs. Everyone left pretty early, probably to make up for driving time to get to Moe's. 

TFU arrived even later and LOB, TFU and I went for east end soup. Yummy.

Summary: Lovely day, fluffy clouds, Expo's won, "Put down that water gun already," Is there any food?, and I thought noone noticed my new sneakers.

Submitted respectfully by
Double Fisted
Hash Scribe