Montreal Hash House Harriers

Hash Trash, R*n #249 (Plateau Mont Royal) 
05-August-2001

by Double Fisted, Hash Scribe

Hares:
Homo Erection and Piss Phobia

Hashers:
Plastic Jesus, Double Fisted, Dead Animal, Foxy Lady, Easy Ride, Panty Ho, Mustapha Kunt, Turkish Delight, Tigress, Numbskull, Just Julie, Just Sandi, Just Felicity, OAP, Brillo 

Weather:
As the last two hashes, HOT. Probably about 30 degrees with tons of humidity. Sun sun sun. I wish I was in a bubble which was attached to a portable A/C unit.

Pre-Trail and Trail:
With sister and friend out of the way, again, shopping, Plastic and I went to the run without a worry. Riding to the run in a F-150 with enlarged cab and lined pick-up could give a girl a few ideas but the heat rendered me totally tuckered out and insisted the A/C stay on the whole way to the run.

As we entered the Palace of Plastic and Pain (Plastic refers to Piss Phobia's job and the Pain refers to what people have to do before they get to see Homo Erection), we noticed the wonderful Blue Bird fan in the kitchen. I hadn't seen one of those in years but am assured they still exist. A quick tour of the P3 uncovered a fooz game, 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen and a nice little patio in the back. Nice place guys.

As usual, the hares gave us an explanation of the marking where a MH3 first occurred, Homo Erection pulled out a measuring cup and proceeded to lay sample markings with it to the glee of the hashers! A howl of laughter was heard by the island of Montreal for sure. Is it due to his analness or an allergy to flour? Will we ever find out? It was definitely a Mastercard moment - A bag of flour. $5.49. A pair of rollerblades. $150. 10 stitches at the emergency room. $300. Watching Homo Erection lay trail with a measuring cup. PRICELESS!! Anyhow, after we stopped laughing he announced a prize for cutting the number of penis' on the run. The penis' were used as direction indicators (Arrows) and was inspired by Turkish Delight's Tit-checks. Indeed they were wonderful.

The walk was nice as it can be, cause it was dang hot. It was nice to hear the walkers count the penis' as we walked by. Easy Ride had found a juice stand and bought a round of drinks (why wasn't she selling beer?). We did a nice circle around the plateau and then headed (who said head?...) through to Parc Lafontaine where OAP gave us one of his famous history lessons (can you tell he was a teacher?). I guess I wasn't a good student, rendered lifeless by the heat cause I can't remember much from the lesson, something  about a zoo being there at one time and the animals being abused. It was a *happy* story.

So, OAP again helped us out by wondering aloud how much longer the run was. Homo Erection felt bad for us and we shorted back to the carpark to enjoy the Blue Bird fan and beer. Yummy. Who am I to disagree with the hare?

Dead Animal was the first back after getting lost at the first check. Bloody English man. The rest of the crazy wankers came crawling (literally) in and enjoyed the beer as well.

Down Downs:
Arg. Alas, another week of illegible handwriting, perhaps I should hire a boytoy to take dictation. Boytoy applications should be forwarded to me:

Name:______________________
Chest:______________________ inches
Penis: Length _______ inches Girth ______ inches
Complete the following sequence. A, B, C, ___, ___,___
Do you own a thong? Yes___ No___ Running out to buy one now___
Why I would be an excellent Dictation Boytoy?
_______________________________________

Plastic Jesus to give us a demonstration. 
Felicity and Sandi for being new cummers.
Julie for f*cking up the directions so the GM was almost late for the r*n. 
Homo Erection and Piss Phobia for being virgin hares.
A total of 69 out of 100 was given for the r*n.
Plastic Jesus for doing 5 r*ns.
Panty Ho for doing 25 r*ns and 0, zero, nadda, rien, goose egg number of runs.
Felicity and Sandi for Non Participation but who made them cum, Turkish Delight and Mustapha Kunt did the DD.
Dead Animal and Foxy Lady for getting caught for not having a French website and being fined by the Quebec government.
One for Mustpha Kunt but don't know what for??? "20 bulk by all 'chaps'", huh??
Easy Ride for having a crappy set to run record: 0/16.
Panty Ho for having a shitty set to run record: 0/25.
Julie and Foxy lady for correctly counting the number of penis markings: 14. The prize being a banana with 2 kiwis attached with a string. Lovely. My question now is: Are you going to bronze that for future use??

RA Offenses:
Double Fisted and Piss Phobia for leaning during the DDs.
Plastic Jesus, Numbskull, Dead Animal for calling on a shortcut.
Homo Erection and Piss Phobia for sending Numbskull shitty directions.
Turkish Delight for giving them shitty directions.
Panty Ho for doing business on the hash.
Easy Ride for fueling the economy by buying juice for the walkers on the hash.
Tigress for leaning (weren't you paying attention?)
Panty Ho, Dead Animal, Plastic Jesus, Mustapha Kunt and Tigress for celebrating their "French heritage." 
Turkish Delight received the Shithead for losing the Hare Raising Book.
Tigress received lost property.

Songage;
The "Who said head" song was sung as well as the French Anthem and Rule Britannia. Very nice selection of hymns for the day. 

Post-Trail:
We sat an discussed various topics, Tigress' soon-to-be trip, the merits of heat stroke (none), etc. More drink and then left to meet sister and
friend who by now must have melted.

Summary:
FOOOOOOOZZZBBAAAALLLLL, Max rocks, can I have some chips please, damn is it hot, he did it with a measuring cup, I counted the penis' too and the gay parade was nearby.

Submitted respectfully by,

Double Fisted
Hash Scribe