Hash Trash - Run #261

EXPERIMENTAL HASH TRASH!

Montreal Hash House Harriers

Hash Trash by Kristal Tits, Hash Scribe

West Island, Sunday, October 21st  @ 1 PM 
Hares: Easy Ride (virgin lay), Total F**kup

The “Who’s Roger Daltry?” R*n

Cast:

Chorus:
Easy Ride
Brillo
Krystal Tits
Penguin
Pop-a-Weenie
Yogi II and kids
Witchy
Boner
Captain Canada
Lady Dye
Theo
Plastic Jesus
Speed Hump
Muddy Nipples
Mustapha’s sister
Just Pierre
Just Julie and kids
Old Cheddar
Logged Off
Virus and friends
Some dogs

And, a special appearance by The Trail in the role of Tommy.

Overture

Captain Walker
Didn't come today
This un-run trail,
Will never know him
Believe him missing
With a number of wankers
Don't expect
To see him again.

It's a Mark

Nurse:
It's a mark Mrs. Walker it's a mark.
It's a mark Mrs. Walker it's a mark.

Chorus:

On on! On on! On on!

Corner

Lover:
I've got a feeling this corner
Is going to be a good one.
Especially if you and me
See a mark together.

Father:
So you think this corner is going to be a good one.
It could be for me and her,
But you and her-no never!
I had no reason to r*n in this pouring rain,
But somehow when you smiled
I could brave bad weather

Mother:
What about the trail?
What about the trail?
What about the trail?
There are no marks!

Mother and Father:
You can't see it
You can't follow it.
You can't say nothing to no one
ever in your life.
You never saw it
Oh how absurd it
All seems without any proof.
You didn't see it
You didn't follow it
You never saw it not a mark of it.
You won't say nothing to no one
Never tell a soul
What you know is the Truth.

Amazing Journey

Deaf Dumb and blind trail
It's in a quiet Crayola land
Strange as it seems our anthrax dreams
Ain't quite so bad.
Oh, for flour;
With thoughts as bold as thought can be
Loving Five Roses and Robin Hood
In simplicity.
Sickness will surely take the hasher
Where hashers can't usually go.
Come on the amazing journey
And learn all you shouldn’t know.
A vague haze of delirium
creeps up on us.
All at once a tall stranger we suddenly see.
He's dressed in hashing gear
Glittering gown
And His balding head glows
Nearly through the grey sky.
Naught to follow and no trail to see
And no trail to see.
Come on the amazing journey
And learn all you shouldn’t know.
A few grunts at each corner to show
That he is your leader
And he is your guide
On the amazing journey together you'll r*n.
 

Sunday

Father:
Did you ever see the faces of hashers
They get so excited.
Waking up on Sunday morning
Hours before the first “on on”.
They believe in Ex, Dry and Coors Light
Including Rickard’s Red.
Peeping round the car park
to see what goodies are for free
In curiosity.
And Tommy doesn't know what day it is.
Doesn't know who Plastic Jesus was or what r*nning is.
How can he be saved?
From the eternal grave.
Pounded by the hashers he lies so silently,
And unaware of everything.
Tommy doesn't know what day it is.
Doesn't know who Plastic Jesus was or what r*nning is.
How can he be saved?
From the eternal grave.
Tommy can you hear me?
Tommy can you hear me?
Tommy can you hear me?
How can he be saved?

Tommy:
See me, feel me
Touch me, r*n me.
See me, feel me
Touch me, r*n me!

 

Cousin Kevin

Cousin Kevin:
Were on our own, tira-
all alone, -misu.
Let's think of a game to play
Now the hashers have all left us.
You won't be much fun
having to eat you in one shot
But I was to have been gone by today.
D'you know how to drive a moving van?
To find TO it would take you a week,
But down on the grass you won't go anywhere
There's a lot I can do to a cake.
How would you feel if I tied my arms behind my back,
Stuffed my head on you and started to chew.
What would you do if I slammed you on my head,
To stand in the rain
and catch cold so you died?
I'm the hash bully !
The MH3 cheat.
The nastiest walker,
You ever could meet.
I'll stick pins in your icing
And smear you all over my face...
Maybe a cigarette burn on your box
Would change your expression to one of alarm,
I'll drag you around by a chunk of your cream
Or give you a shove right into my mouth...
I'm the hash bully !
The MH3 cheat.
The nastiest walker,
You ever could meet.

The MH3 Queen

Gypsy:
If your r*n ain't all it should be now
This hariette will put it right.
I'll show you all how it could be now
Just let me get my hot sauce.
I'm the Gypsy - the MH3 Queen.
Pay hash cash before we start.
I'm the Gypsy - The MH3 queen.
I'll drive you to the start.
Give you a new FRB from OH3
(Leave us for a while.)
Your r*n won't be a r*n no more
It’ll just be wild.
I'm the Gypsy - the MH3 queen.
Pay hash cash before we start.
I'm the Gypsy the MH3 queen.
I'll drive you to the start.
Gather your change and hold on fast,
Your must learn to love the soup.
Just as the Gypsy Queen must do
You're gonna hit the road.
My work is done now look at it
It's never been more alive.
Hashers’ heads shake their fingers clutch.
Watch their bodies writhe
I'm the Gypsy - the MH3 queen.
Pay hash cash before we start.
I'm the Gypsy - I'm guaranteed.
To break your little heart.

Underture

[Chorus does some r*nning]

Do You Think It's Alright

Mother:
Do you think it's alright,
To leave the trail to Uncle Ernie?
Do you think it's alright;
He's had a few too many today!
D'you think it's alright?

Father:
I think it's alright, yes I think it's alright.

Shortcut About

Uncle Ernie:
I'm your wicked Uncle Ernie
I'm glad you won't see or hear me
As I shortcut about
Shortcut about
Shortcut about !
Your mother left me here to r*n you
Now I'm doing what I want to
Fouling the trail
Fouling the trail
Fouling the trail!
Down with the trousers
Out with the Johnson!
Fouling the trail
Fouling the trail
Fouling the trail!
You won't shout as I shortcut about
Shortcut about
Shortcut about
Shortcut about !
Shortcut, fouling, shortcut.

Circle Wizard

Local Lassie:
Ever since I was a young hasher,
I've circled with the best.
From Madrid round to Brighton
I must have circled them all.
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any honourary ball...
That wank GM Numbskull
Sure dishes a mean circle !
He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the ceremony.
Feeling all the humpers
Always playing mean.
He plays by intuition,
All the stupid hashers drink.
That wank GM Numbskull
Sure dishes a mean circle !
He's a circle wizard
There has got to be a twist.
A circle wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.
'How do you think he does it? I don't know!
What makes him so good?'
He’s got so many distractions
Hear those whiners and sinners,
See that beer a pourin'
Gotta know he’s a winner.
Always has a lame joke,
'n' always f*cks it up and all...
That wank GM Numbskull
Sure dishes a mean circle.
I thought he wouldn’t show up
This Bally table king.
But I just handed
My circle hashit to him.
His disciples lead him in
And he just wanks the rest.
He's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen him lose it...
That wank GM Numbskull
Sure dishes a mean circle.!!!!!

Hypothermic Theo

Father:
There's a doctor I've found
Could bring Theo some warmth!
There's a doctor I've found could cure the Greek!
Though he’s blue and shivering uncontrollably
There's a man I've found could remove his hypothermia,
He lives in this town let's see him tomorrow,
Let’s hope he doesn’t have to cut off some toes!
 
 
Drink it Down

Mother:
I see you from afar
Without even a nod or a twitch
I gaze at my own reflection on your surface!
You don't seem to see me
But I think you can see yourself.
(How can the beer affect me?)
Can you hear me?
Or do I surmise?
That you fear me

Can you feel my pressure
RISE?..
Do you hear or fear or
Do I drink you down.
Do you hear or fear or
Do I drink you down? BURP!

 
Orgy

Newsboy:
Extra! Extra!
Read all about it.
Circle Wizard caught in orgy scandal!
Extra Extra read all about it
EXTRA!
 
I'm There

Tommy:
I'M THERE-I'm there,
Though my existence smacks of irreality,
I'm there-I'm there,
AN' I'm waiting for you to follow me.
If I told you what it takes
to reach the nearest check,
You'd laugh and say 'nothing's that simple'
But you've been told many times before
Hares pointing to the floor
And no one had the guts to lead the pack!
I'm there-I'm there
Though my existence smacks of irreality
I'm there-I'm there
And I'm waiting for you to follow me.

Chorus:
How can we follow?
How can we follow?

Welcome

Tommy:
Come to my lawn
Be one of the comfortable people.
Come to this lawn
We're drinking all night
Never sleeping.
Virus come in!
And you Old Cheddar,
With little dainty umbrella welcome,
And you Pop-a-Weenie
Come to this lawn!
Into this lawn.
Come to this backyard
Be one of us.
Make this your house
Be one of us.
You can help
To collect some more hash cash
Young and old people
Let’s get them all in!
Come to this lawn!
Into this backyard.
Ask along that man who's wearing a spiffy track suit.
Bring every single hasher
from England or Wales
Come to this lawn
Be one of the comfortable people.
Lovely bright lawn
Drinking all night never sleeping.
We need more beer
Get out the ice
Some colourful Cheetos
Spare no beer now
Come to this lawn
Be one of us
Come into this backyard
Bring your umbrella
Come to this lawn
Into this backyard
Welcome

Tommy's Holiday Camp

Uncle Ernie:
Good morning Hashers!
I'm your Uncle Ernie
and I'll welcome you to Tommy's Holiday Camp
The camp with the difference
Nevermind the weather
When you come to Easy Ride's
The mooning's forever

We're Not Gonna Take It

Tommy:

Welcome to Hash 261,
I guess you all know why we're here.
My name is Tommy
and I became aware this year
If you want to follow me,
you've got to drink beer.
And put on your jackets
take out the umbrellas
you know where to put the caulk
Hey you missing marks, so sorry!
I've got you messed up.
Hey you looking for a falsie!
It’s under a parked car!
Hey hung up ‘lil Muddy Nipples,
Don’t try to follow the horn!
But you’re gonna follow me any of those ways
Although you think you’re lost

Chorus:
We're so gonna make it
We're so gonna make it
We're so gonna make it
We're so gonna make it
We're so gonna make it
Never did but now we will
We're so gonna make it
Gonna break it, gonna shake it,
let's redo it better still

Tommy:

Now you can hear me,
your eyes are truly peeled.
You can't speak either,
your mouth is filled with beer
You can see everything,
and the circle completes the scene.
Here comes Uncle Ernie to guide you
To your very own On In.
 
See me.
Feel me.
Touch me.
R*n me.
Listening to you,
I get the feeling.
Gazing at you,
I get the idea.
Following me,
You climb the mountains.
I get excitement from your feet.
Right behind you,
I see the millions.
On you,
I see the glory.
From Gulp,
I get opinions.
From Gulp,
I get the story.

Hey, I tried. As always, comments, questions and suggestions can and will go to hell.

-The Gulp  (aka Krystal Tits)